This photo was taken over 5 years ago, but I truly believe that this is me. This photo embodies everything that I want to be and everything that challenges me.
In the last five years, so much about my life has changed. I completed my college thesis; I was cheated on; I moved back in with my parents; I got the perfect job; I lost the perfect job; I married the only person who doesn't make me sick; I was diagnosed with extreme anxiety and manic depression; I moved across the country from my community; and a million more life changing events that have affected my very being.
I definitely don't regret anything that has happened in that time, but I miss who I used to be.
I've taken a lot of detours, and altered myself to fit my various situations. The whole "just be yourself" thing never made sense to me, because who I was, or even the best version of myself, didn't fit people's expectations. I am a complete people-pleaser, so I always try to anticipate what people want from me, and then do what I need to to fulfill that.
But, I want to go back to feeling like this badass MF. Sure, I was still a complete poser then, but that is the closest I have ever felt to feeling truly supported, whole, and understood on an emotional, spiritual, and intellectual level.
In the last month, I have decided to cut out the things that don't feel real - the things that I am doing just because I am "supposed" to or because that's what an "adult" should do. Sure, I am still going to pay my bills, and I'm still going to try my hardest to benefit my community and be a positive light in all of my relationships. But, I'm focusing on finding this kid again.
I quit my job. It will seem like a stupid move to anyone who thinks I need to conform to the 8-5 institutions, but it made me hardened and more cynical than I already am, and made me feel like the worst possible version of myself. Sooooo, it needed to GTFO of my life.
I'm taking control. I'm sticking up for myself and my mental and emotional well-being. That means working for myself right now. Along with running #Adulting, I will be offering my services as a freelance web-designer to small businesses and artists. Check out my new Harvey Designs page for more details.
I'm going to be doing more. Sure, "working from home" sounds like I'll spend even more time in my house than I already do, but realistically, I'm so looking forward to even being able to explore our small town a bit more.
You'll be seeing a LOT more of me (and I hope that is a good thing!) as I stumble through this time of self-assessment and realignment. And I'm super excited to share this new adventure with you.
As always, thanks,