Bringing Back Pillowtalk

#adulting | millennial blogger lifestyle struggle | relationship romance pillow intimacy

My favorite things about new relationships? The full-body tingle with those early touches, and the pillowtalk.

Those late night whispered conversations - whether you're crawling into bed with your cell phone, or curled up with your new boo - can be the most honest, vulnerable, and entertaining conversations of your entire relationship!

It's sharing those secrets from the comfort of the darkness - sharing things that you're too afraid to say in the light.

Although we have been married for a few years, and have had LOADS of wonderful conversations, some of my favorite and most memorable convos happened in the early stages of our relations and late at night through texts. All of my real-world awkwardness, the anxiety of how the other person might react, and my constant "word salad" (when you have a complete and coherent sentence in your head, but when it comes out, none of the words actually go together or make any sense) just faded away. My head and heart were clear and I knew exactly what I wanted for my life and how to communicate it. 

As our relationship progressed, and the buzz of my phone became less electrifying, it was the whispers when I thought he was asleep. It was feeling him staring at me in the dark as I shared something - whether it was a bad joke, or a memory that truly shaped me. Those moments where it felt like the world didn't exist outside of us - that was and will continue to be my favorite moments.

As I re-read this, I realize how vague and almost "Twilight"-y it all sounds. Maybe it's the word salad creeping into my writing, or maybe it's the sappiness that makes it real.

Anyway, as I brought this up to the hubs and shared how I missed those moments, he informed me that we could never have that again. That type of intimacy only comes with the electricity and "newness" of early relationships, and now that we have passed that point, we will never feel it again.

He might be right - but I am not satisfied with that response. Yes, our relationship and our marriage has "blossomed" (ew) to the point where we share quite literally everything together so the mystery is gone. We crawl into bed at different times, fall into the pattern of answering "how was your day?" with complacent and somewhat standard answers. Our intimacy has developed in a completely different way. But I'm going to try and change that. 

Here are my personal challenges to try and create the "pillowtalk" again. Will you join me? (Obvi not actually joining me, but maybe we could try this experiment simultaneously??)

  • Set my intention

  • Make sure the room is completely dark

  • Speak only in a whisper

  • Position myself so we are face to face

  • Actively try not to touch

Some questions and conversations to initiate pillowtalk:

  • "Today, I was afraid of..."

  • "Do you remember how we used to..."

  • "The hardest part of my day was..."

  • "I wish I was able to..."

I need to remember to include light-hearted tidbits as well, like odd jokes and the f#ckups from my day.

I also plan on actually texting S and having a complete conversation via text while in the same room. Some might find this completely ludicrous, but I like the idea of "throwing it back" and truly recreating the environment.

Do you think my efforts are childish? Do you think I will be able to bring back the pillowtalk?